I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize