I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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