I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
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i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
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OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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