The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
is it fun? or sober?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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