you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
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having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize