you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
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Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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