i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize