your parents love me but you hate me
We're facebook friends in real life
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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