Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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