walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
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theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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