today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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