Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize