Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dignity is for republicans.
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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