i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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