??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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