then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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