I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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