I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
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lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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