did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize