This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize