So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
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We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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