I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
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I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
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I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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