I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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