i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
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we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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