I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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