I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize