she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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