Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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