Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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