Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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