I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize