It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
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Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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