I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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