I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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