How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize