He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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