I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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