FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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