Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize