just survived the first fart of the relationship.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize