Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
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Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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