last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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