Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
