I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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