I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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