I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
being pregnant is like rehab
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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