Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize