Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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