somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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