If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
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Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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